


Sex and Candy

by SmolderingFlame



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Bottom Stan Marsh, Cheerleaders, Comedy, Crack, Crossdressing, Drug Use, Garage Band, High School, High School Stereotypes, M/M, Out of Character, Romantic Comedy, South Park is Weird, Top Craig Tucker, Top Kyle Broflovski, crossdressing with no explanation, femme stan, kenny is a pervert, people are cool with most things, total crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2019-10-01 06:20:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17239007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmolderingFlame/pseuds/SmolderingFlame
Summary: Senior year of high school is already going to suck for Craig Tucker. His best friend Tweek moved away, his awesome band is not getting the recognition it deserves, and, his locker is right next to Stan Marsh's, the masculine football player turned feminine cheerleader, who he claims he can't stand, even if he does find him hot in his cheer uniform.





	1. Semi Charmed Life

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is total and utter crack. Honestly, I just love writing feminine bottom!stan, and, I like cute boys in cute clothes with no explanation, so, this was how it was born. Some of the characters are way out of character and it's nothing to be taken super seriously. The main pairing is Craig/Stan, but, their will be some other minor pairings. Craig was highly inspired by JWink85's interpretation of him in our RPs
> 
> Because this is the first chapter please leave comments and kudos if you are enjoying it and want me to continue with it. Just helps me see what people think!
> 
> Thank you for reading! Enjoy!

Craig was really not looking forward to school, not that he ever fucking did, it was so lame, and everyone who went to South Park High was lame. They were all posers who had nothing better to do then pretend to be something they weren’t so other posers would like them.  It was only the first month of his senior year and he was already counting down the days to graduation. Things had really gone downhill when Tweek and his family moved away. He was the one person in South Park who didn’t completely get on his nerves, hell, they even shared a romance together, but now, that was over, Tweek was in New Hampshire, and he was stuck here. The only people he could actually hang out with now without wanting to puke, were, the goth kids. They were kind of lame, and, he would never go full on goth, but, they hung out, did molly, drank coffee, and even formed a band together.

 

His parents of course had been all on his ass since his junior year. He had gotten the lip and eyebrow piercings, they freaked out, he got a tattoo on his arm, they freaked out, he listened to music with screaming in it, they freaked out. Everything was just such a big deal now, his parents acted like he was the only one in town who had changed as they got older.

 

He rolled his eyes a bit when he heard laughing and giggling as the locker next to his swung open. Speaking of people who had changed, if him getting his lip pierced was so damn life changing, why weren’t more people freaked out about Stan Fucking Marsh!? The ex-quarterback for the football team who had some reason over a summer decided to ditch that and become a fucking cheerleader! Not just that, but, deciding to totally femme out while he was at it. All the guys were all over him, he never heard the end of how hot Stan had gotten, how everyone wanted to fuck him. Of course those whispers were quickly put down as soon as the brunette’s super best friend came into the room. He almost felt bad for Kyle, the red head was now more of a bodyguard than anything else for his stupid slut of a friend.

 

Did he mention he still hated Stan Marsh? God, if anything, he was even fucking worse now. He was a vapid bimbo who only cared about how he looked. He would always pretend he was so damn environmentally conscious, claiming he cared about global warming and animals, but, he didn’t believe it to be true, not in the least bit. It was either that, or hearing him bitch about how music from the sixties and seventies was soooo much better then music today! What a pretentious asshole.

 

To just add to his already shitty year, he had been ‘lucky’ enough to get the locker right next to Stan’s. So, he had to deal with stupid conversations, the smell of strong perfume, moronic flirting, and fucking Wendy and Bebe constantly hanging around.

 

“So, is it true Clyde wants to go out with you?” Bebe asked, leaning against the lockers, dressed in her cheerleading uniform, a long sleeved green and white shirt with the South Park High logo on it, paired with a matching pleated skirt.

 

“Yeah, you better give him an answer Stan; don’t want to just string him along.” Wendy added, also dressed in a cheerleading uniform. “Or, are you finally just going to come out and tell us all you’re dating Kyle.” She said a small smirk on her lips.

 

“I’m not dating Kyle, Wendy.” Stan said, closing his locker and crossing his arms over his chest. Like the other two, he was also wearing an identical cheerleading uniform. “As for Clyde, I don’t know, I like giving it a little time before I do anything.” He said, laughing as he ran fingers through his short, soft, black locks. Those big blue eyes were looking gorgeous as ever as he looked down the hall to see Clyde at the end. Clyde was now the quarterback of the football team, thanks to him having vacated that spot last year. He had to admit, Donavan was a cutie. He loved how he looked in his jersey, and, his cocky attitude could be annoying but also strangely charming.

 

Wendy just sighed. “Whatever you say Stan.” She said, before smiling. “Well, we’ll see you at practice.” She said, grabbing Bebe’s arm and dragging her towards their first hour class.

 

Craig just rolled his eyes, watching as Wendy and Bebe left Stan. “Wow Marsh, you have the most riveting conversations.” He said, watching as the brunette turned to look at him, shooting him a glare, those blue eyes narrowing at him.

 

“Fuck off, Tucker.” He said, rolling his eyes. “Why are you even listening in the first place?” Stan asked, pursing his rather plump lips as the other brunette.

 

Craig couldn’t help but scoff at that. “Maybe it’s just your obnoxious voice and strong fucking perfume; you just don’t want to be ignored, do you?” He said, before smirking a bit. “So, you’re gonna spread your legs for Donavan? You know, ever since you decided to take on the whole slut route, you really are neglecting your friends. Have you let McCormick and Broflovski have a whack at you yet?” He asked, his smirk widening when he saw Stan was getting upset.

 

“I’m not a slut, and, just because no one wants to be with your sorry ass, doesn’t mean you have to take it out on me.” Stan snapped. “And gross, stop playing with that nasty lip ring with your tongue! It’s disgusting, Dude! Why did you get all those piercings anyways? Like, I get you want to be all edgy and shit, but, you look like you have shrapnel in your face.”

 

“Wow, got your claws out over that huh? Usually when someone gets so defensive, it means it’s true.” Craig pointed out. “Also, you shouldn’t be concentrating so much on my face. I mean, let’s face it Marsh, you gained some poundage over the summer.” He said, keeping the stoic look on his face while inwardly smirking. He knew that would drive the other brunette to run off crying. “No offense, but, those lip fillers aren’t going to detract from it either.” He said, deciding to just go for the double whammy.

 

Stan’s blue eyes went wide before his brows narrowed. “Fuck you!” He snapped, moving to grab an eraser from his backpack and hurling it at Craig’s face. “God, you’re such a fucking creep! Don’t talk to me!” He added, gathering his things and starting to walk away.

 

“Don’t worry! I’ll make sure to mention your lip fillers and fat ass to Clyde!” Craig called out, causing Stan to let out some kind of inaudible noise of anger as he stomped away. He just kept his smirk on his lips as he closed his locker. Well, at least he had started the day off well enough. Now, he just needed to see a certain stoner about some weed.

 

He was surprised Stan was still friends with Kenny; honestly, they didn’t even seem to run in the same circles anymore. Stan was popular, a cheerleader, while Kenny was a known delinquent and drug user. Somehow they were still good friends, including Mister Student Body President, Kyle Broflovski. What a group of weirdoes.

 

Kenny was usually dealing out of the boys’ bathroom at the very end of the hall, the one that was always out for maintenance.  He had no idea how the hell Kenny was getting such premo weed, but, he didn’t really want to ask, he had good prices.

 

Peeking his head in, he saw the blond about to leave his bathroom office.

 

“McCormick.” He called out, making his way in. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a wad of bills, throwing them at the blond. “I want the weed we discussed.” He snapped.

 

Kenny just laughed. The blond was an easy going guy, and most people liked him. He seemed to be able to charm himself out of any situation, whether it meant dealing weed, or, getting caught fucking a teacher, McCormick always came out smelling like roses.

 

“Hey Tucker, was just about to close up shop.” He said, catching the bills with ease. “I got your stuff, it’s good too, so, you’re welcome.” He said, throwing over a baggie. “Hmm, you smell like expensive perfume, you hanging out with my lovely cheerleader?” He asked, speaking of Stan.

 

“Not by choice.” Craig said, rolling his eyes. “I don’t know how you can stand being anywhere near him. Does he just constantly blather about stupid shit all the time?” He asked.

 

“Eh, there is more to Stan then you think, just like there is more to you then Stan probably thinks.” Kenny pointed out. “I will say, him being hot as fuck is a total bonus.” Kenny said with a pervy smirk. “You know, he doesn’t always close his door all the way when he’s changing, so, I’ve gotten some pretty good views, even got some pics.” He said, before looking around. “I might even be willing to sell you one if you got the money.”

 

Craig scoffed. “Wow, you’re a fucking good friend. I wonder what Broflovski would do to you if he found out you were doing that?” He asked, before looking around himself. As much as he fucking claimed to hate Stan, he hated himself more for finding him hot. That perfect pert ass that was barely covered by that pleated cheerleading skirt, those big blue eyes, those perfect cock sucking lips… He groaned. “Okay, just for the sake of being curious, how much?”

 

Kenny smirked at that. “I always knew you had a thing for Stan.” He said, before taking a picture out of a binder. “Now this one is gonna cost you, because, he’s only in a pair of panties.” He said, moving to show the picture to Craig. “I’m asking a hundred bucks.”

 

“A hundred bucks?! Are you fucking nuts?” Craig snapped, before feeling his grey eyes go wide when he saw that picture. God…that would be nice to have for intimate moments with himself… He let out a frustrated groan. “Hold it for me; I’ll get it to you tomorrow.” He said, moving to play with his lip ring, a nervous habit he had developed.

 

“No problem. I can do that for you Tucker.” Kenny said. “Though, along with the money, I would trust you would keep this all on the down low. Don’t need my ass getting kicked.”

 

“Trust me; I don’t want anyone knowing I bought some pervy pic of Stan Marsh off of you. Stan is basic as fuck; I do have some integrity to protect.” Craig said, letting out a groan.

 

 


	2. No Scrubs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig still hates Stan, no matter how hot he thinks he is. Kyle is overprotective of Stan. Mister Garrison gives out a class project.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you are still enjoying this crack fic I'm writing! I honestly love this feminine bottom Stan.
> 
> Kudos, comments, and suggestions are all highly appreciated!

Craig did not understand why the fuck they were forced to take a Home Ec class in 2019. Apparently it was mandatory for all seniors, and, if fate would have it, the class was awfully familiar to his fourth grade class; in fact, it was exactly like his fourth grade class, even down to their Home Ec teacher. How Mister Garrison was even allowed to show his face in South Park after that sham of presidency, he would never know. He just had to chalk it up to everything else that was nuts about this shit hole town.

 

While Garrison was blathering on about something, he couldn’t help but notice Stan, it was kinda hard not to, the cheerleader sat right in front of him, and next to him, was his ‘not boyfriend’, Kyle Broflovski. They fucking flirted all the time, he didn’t understand why they wouldn’t just fuck. Or, at least just say they were dating, the whole display sickened him.

 

Stan was still in that slutty cheerleader uniform, putting on lipgloss as he peered into a compact mirror, the smell of his perfume invading Craig’s nostrils. He couldn’t tell if that smell made him want to puke, or made him horny as fuck… He sighed digging his pen into the wooden desk, making stupid designs in it to try and get his mind off of stuff. How could he find someone like Stan Marsh hot? The brunette was everything he hated in a person, yet, he would get hard thinking about what was underneath that skirt… Fucking hormones, fucking everything… He needed to get out of this town.

 

“So, wanna go see that new movie with me Saturday night?” Kyle asked, leaning across to talk to Stan. “It’s that horror movie about the guy who wakes up in the future for some reason. You wanted to see that one, right?” He asked, his green eyes going right to look at those plump lips that were currently being slathered with gloss.

 

“Saturday night?” The brunette said, putting his mirror and lipgloss away. “I can’t Saturday; Clyde is taking me out on Saturday.” He said, sighing when he saw Kyle frown. “What?” He asked with a sigh.

 

“Really? You’re going to go out with Clyde? I thought you said you were going to turn him down?” Kyle said. “He’s a dick, Dude, he’s just looking for you to spread your legs and you know it. Just because you’re a cheerleader now, doesn’t mean you have to date a football player.” He pointed out.

 

“It’s just a fucking date, Ky, stop freaking out about it.” Stan said, rolling his blue eyes.

 

“I’m not gonna stop freaking out about it. You and I both know Clyde has a reputation for not taking no for an answer. I don’t want something happening to you.” The red head said with a sigh. “You don’t think before you do things, Dude, you just…are too impulsive and then I have to come bail your ass out of trouble.”

 

“Oh, I’m so fucking sorry you’re constantly having to save me. I know I’m not as perfect as you, Mister Student Body President.” Stan snapped back. “You know, I did play varsity football for two years, I can handle Clyde if he tries to get fresh with me.”

 

Green eyes narrowed at that. “Stan, you are not as muscular as you were when you played football, Clyde could easily take advantage of you if he wanted to, I don’t want that to happen, because, if that did happen, I’d have to murder him.” Kyle pointed out.

 

“You’re so over protective, Dude.” The brunette said, tapping his pen on the desk.

 

“I’m over protective because I care about you, you know that. Ever since you decided to…you know…look…the way you do…fucking guys can’t keep their hands to themselves.” 

 

Stan raised an eyebrow at that. “What do you mean how I look?” He asked, causing Kyle to groan.

 

“You know…feminine…pretty…hot…” The red head said, his cheeks going a bit red at that admission.

 

“I didn’t realize that was such a bad thing?” Stan retorted. “You seemed to be quite happy with it when I caught you looking at me changing.” He said coolly, causing the red head go redder.

 

Craig stopped his desk carving at that and looked over at the Super Best Friends…or whatever the fuck they were. “Listen, not that your lover’s spat isn’t interesting, but, could you two possibly stop flirting so I could listen? I rather listen to fucking Garrison then this shit.” He said, before looking over at Stan. “Besides, everyone knows Stan is a slut, but, thanks for confirming what everyone already knows. I’m sure you getting plowed by Donovan will be watched by pervs all over the school.”

 

Kyle frowned when he heard Tucker speaking ill about Stan. “Listen Tucker; shut your fucking mouth about Stan. He isn’t a slut, and we aren’t having a lover’s spat, why don’t you just fucking keep everything to yourself.” He snapped.

 

Craig just rolled his grey eyes. “Not my fault you two are fucking loud when you’re talking. Also, I didn’t realize you were his guard dog?”

 

“I am because I have to get fuckers like you to back off of Stan all the fucking time.” Kyle snapped, sounding pissed. “I’ll just add your name to the list of asses I need to kick.” He said, looking over at Stan, giving him a look that read this was why he wasn’t a fan  of his new feminine look all the time.

 

“You don’t have to worry about me fucking with Stan; I don’t feel like getting warts on my junk from him.” Craig said dryly, going back to carving shit on the desk. “Don’t flatter yourself.” He snorted, rolling his eyes.

 

Stan turned around and glared at Craig. “Fuck off; I would rather have sex with Eric Fucking Cartman then you. Don’t flatter yourself, Tucker; you think I, someone with actual merit at this school, would even lower myself to doing anything with you? Yeah fucking right.” The brunette snapped, twirling his pen in between his fingers.

 

Craig had to scoff at that. “You’ve certainly lowered yourself so often you have to wear knee pads, Marsh.” He said. “Everyone knows you blew Kevin Stoley behind the bleachers.” He said off handedly.  He had to smirk a bit when he saw how pissed off that made both Stan and Kyle. “Oh, did you not know about that one, Broflovski?” He asked, watching as Kyle glanced over at Stan with a pissed expression before turning back to him.

 

Kyle looked like he might stand up from his desk to take a swing at him. The red head had always had a bad temper, now, he had some height and muscle on him to actually back it up. Hey, it wasn’t his fault his best friend was a whore, he was just telling it like it was.

 

Before Kyle could even do anything, Mister Garrison cleared his throat.

 

“Okay, settle down Saved by the Bell, we have a project to get through.” He said, looking at a list of names. “Listen here you little bastards, let’s be honest, most of you are probably going to have fucked up lives after graduation. It will either be workin’ a cash register somewhere, or workin’ the pole. Your only shot out of that is finding someone with money to marry you.” Mister Garrison instructed.

 

Kyle let out a gasp at that. “How the hell are you still allowed to teach?” He asked simply.

 

“Because the government doesn’t give a shit about education, that’s why.” He pointed out, before attempting to get back on topic. “Now, I bring this up, because we are about to do the most tired and clichéd Home Ec project known to mankind, the old fake marriage shtick.” He said, shrugging a bit. “I’m pairing you all up, and, don’t come whining to me if you don’t like your partner, or, if you didn’t get your girlfriend or boyfriend, or fuck buddy, deal with it.” Garrison explained.

 

Kyle sighed before looking over at Stan. “I hope we get paired up, I don’t need to worry about you getting stuck with some asshole.” He said, knowing he was being overprotective, but, he had damn good reasons to be, Stan was beautiful, and he was a target for creeps. Besides, he was his Super Best Friend! Well…maybe he wanted him to be more, but, that was beside the point.

 

Garrison had already started naming off names. “Wendy and Kyle.” He said, causing Kyle to sigh a bit. Not that he had anything against Wendy, he just wanted to be with Stan! Hopefully he would just get paired with Kenny.

 

“Craig and Stan.” He continued to read off, causing Craig to actually crack his stoic facial expression and snap the pen he was holding in half. He could tell Stan was in shock too, by how the cheerleader stiffened up when hearing who he was partnered with, he could tell. Well, this was going to be just fucking great. At that moment, he saw Kyle turn and shoot a glare at him. Not only was he going to have to worry about Stan, but, also his guard dog.

 


	3. The Impression That I Get

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan and Craig start working on their project together. Craig is intrigued my Stanley Marsh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to continue this one! Let me know if I should add this to my usual fic update cycle!
> 
> kudos, comments, and suggestions are always highly appreciated!
> 
> Happy reading! <3

Stan was not happy in the least about being paired up with Craig Tucker. Ever since they were kids they had never gotten along. Craig always thought he was smarter than everyone else, that he had everything figured out. As they got older Craig had taken on this persona of the artistic loner, having formed a band and get into photography. Last year was when he apparently decided he wanted to get into the whole emo thing, getting the piercings, the tattoos, always so over everything that was ‘main stream’. Maybe it pissed him off so much because it reminded him of his brief goth phase and how fucking obnoxious he had been during it. No, goth wasn’t for him, he had found he much preferred pink, cute clothes, and getting boys to do whatever the fuck he wanted. That was much more satisfying then being depressed all the time.

 

He frowned as he watched Craig ignore him, playing with his lip ring and looking on his phone. He really hated being ignored, so, he tapped his manicured nails on the desk, hoping to get the other brunette’s attention.

 

“What?” Craig said dryly, looking up from his phone with his usual stoic expression.

 

“We need to start working on this.” Stan said simply. “I’m not thrilled about this, but, I’m already flunking math I don’t need to flunk this stupid class too.” He stated, brushing some hair out of his face. “So, let’s just do this question and answer thing and get on with our lives.” He said with a frown. This was going to be a nightmare. The project was like over a month long and involved several smaller assignments in it. He and Craig were going to be seeing a lot of each other…

 

Craig rolled his eyes and sighed. “Fine, read away, if you can actually fucking read.” He said, putting his phone down and crossing his arms over his chest.

 

“Fuck off.” Stan snapped, his pretty blue eyes narrowing as he looked down at the paper. “Okay, first question, what job do you foresee your spouse doing?” He read off, looking up from the paper at Craig.

 

Craig tried to make it look like he was thinking hard, but, after a few moments he shrugged. “Probably a gold digging housewife… Let’s face the facts Marsh, you aren’t the brightest bulb, the only way for you to survive is to sink your manicured claws into some rich old guy and wait for him to die.” He said before thinking. “Or…stripper.” He added, his smirk growing.

 

Stan narrowed his blue eyes at Craig, wanting to just slap that fucking cocky smirk off his goddamn face! He always carried himself like he was better than everyone else. He huffed a little, watching as Craig’s arm covered in tattoos rested on his desk. He tried to get a good look at them and hoped Craig didn’t notice. Both of Craig’s arms were completely tattooed up, full arm sleeves that he had done behind his father’s back apparently. He remembered Thomas Tucker freaking out on him for it at church. He hated to admit…he rather liked them. Something about tattoos was so sexy… He noticed all the various designs; he was rather fond of the music note ones….

 

“Hey, Paris Hilton, are you just going to space out or what?” Craig snapped, rolling his grey eyes.

 

Stan cleared his throat to try and take notice off the fact he had been checking out Craig’s tattoos… He had always secretly wanted one, at least just a small one… When the other brunette called him Paris Hilton he frowned. “God, you and your fucking middle school insults…” He said. “I actually put a real fucking answer for what I think you would do.” He said, sliding over a piece of paper.

 

“Sure you did.” Craig said dryly, sounding doubtful the cheerleader would actually write something flattering about him. He took the paper and looked down at it, to his surprise, Stan wasn’t lying. In the space where it asked what your future spouse would do he wrote: musician, artist, or veterinarian… He actually felt his face contort into some kind of…expression. Well, he really wasn’t expecting this. “Where did you get vet from?” He decided to ask.

 

Stan shrugged a bit. “You have always liked animals, and, you’ve always been good with them. I mean, you always had guinea pigs and you use to feed our pet hamster in grade school, even when it wasn’t your turn.” He pointed out. “I find that…admirable. I really like animals.” He admitted, moving to glance down at his paper.

 

“Don’t you have a dog or something?” Craig asked, raising a brow.

 

“Yeah, Sparky, he’s like super old now, but, he’s hanging in there.” Stan said with a smile. “My dad got him for me for my seventh birthday.” He added. “I really want to get another dog when I move out, since, Sparky is way too old to travel anywhere with me.” He said, starting to feel a little more civil.

 

Craig put his pen down and looked over at Stan. He would never admit it to anyone, but, Stan was hot, he could only imagine going to town on him, bending him over a desk and just…really giving it to him. Hell, he was going to buy some lewd picture off Kenny for a hundred bucks because he was so hot! But, he always thought Stan was about as deep as a puddle. Before this whole feminine persona took off the ground, he saw him as a stupid jock, then, he thought of him as a vapid bimbo, but, perhaps Marsh was more than he thought he was… This was certainly interesting…

 

“So, Marsh, what exactly would you want to do in the future?” Craig asked, raising a brow. “I mean…besides being some poor suckers second wife.” He said dryly.

 

Stan just rolled his eyes. “Well, I really want to work with the World Wildlife Fund, I want to travel and I want to help animals.” He said simply. “I volunteer Sunday afternoons at the Humane Society and it’s really been awesome.” He said, brushing some hair out of his face. “I think I would like to make a career out of that.”

 

That wasn’t too surprising. Craig did know Stan loved animals, but, he didn’t know he was actually doing shit to help them out. That he was taking time to actually do some good. “Interesting…” He said, before tapping his pen on the desk. “Are you even going to college? I know you don’t have the best grades, considering we are in some of the same dumbass classes.”

 

Stan blushed a bit at that. “I…don’t know… I don’t think I would get in anywhere…and Kyle already got accepted to Columbia.” He said, looking over at the redhead who was discussing things with Wendy.

 

“You following after him?” Craig decided to ask.

 

“He wants me to… We always talked about moving in together ever since we were little kids. I honestly don’t know what I would do without him.” Stan admitted.

 

Craig shrugged a little at that. “Maybe look at it as a good thing. You could meet new people and shit without Broflovski always breathing down your neck. Doesn’t it get exhausting having him tell you what to do?”

 

“Kyle doesn’t tell me what to do.” Stan said with a frown.

 

“Okay, sorry, I meant, highly suggests what you should do.” Craig said, rolling his grey eyes. “You can’t sit there and say you don’t think Kyle is controlling.”

 

“Craig, my relationship with Kyle isn’t any of your business.” Stan snapped, shutting the conversation down before he even gave an answer. “Now, can we just…finish this stupid work sheet?” He asked.

 

“Sure, whatever.” Craig said. He found it rather interesting Stan got so defensive when it came to Kyle. What was going on between them?  He honestly wanted to find out. Maybe Stan Marsh was a lot more intriguing then he originally thought. Hmm, well, he would at least be looking forward to getting that picture from Kenny, because, even with the mystery of who the brunette really was, he knew he was good to look at.


	4. None of Your Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The talk of the afternoon PE boys locker room all seems to be centered around Stan Marsh. Craig doesn't know why that bothers him so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been home sick and I just have been on a writing sperg! So, enjoy another updated fic!
> 
> Comments, kudos, and suggestions are always highly appreciated!
> 
> Happy reading!

Craig really hated most things about high school. He hated how fake everyone was, he hated how stupid the teachers were, and he hated that everyone was more concerned about their reputation than anything else. But, the one thing he really fucking hated more than anything was PE! It was a complete waste of time and he was just lucky enough to be stuck in the afternoon one, the one dominated by stupid jocks and mouth breathing fools that compared dick sizes and talked about fucking.

 

The worst one by far was Clyde Donovan, it was still hard to believe when they were kids they were best friends. They couldn’t be more different now. Craig liked music, he had tattoos, he had piercings, he was an artist. Clyde was the all American looking type, muscles, clean shaven, thick brown hair, football star, and a womanizing horny pig.

 

He could overhear Clyde talking with fellow football idiot Kevin Stoley about something. The two had their shirts off, their muscular chests bare as they spoke loud enough for everyone in the locker room to hear them.

 

“So, I’m gonna get some ass this weekend, Bro! It’s gonna be awesome!” Clyde said with a grin.

 

Kevin scoffed a bit. “I’m fucking jealous. You know what I got from Marsh? A fucking blowjob! That was it! I took him out to an expensive restaurant and that’s all I get.” He said with a frown. “When I ask why we aren’t gonna do more, I get the whole ‘I’m saving myself for someone special’ bullshit.” He said, doing the last part in a rather crude Stan Marsh impression.

 

“That’s your problem, Bro! You took no for an answer.” Clyde said simply. “Stan is a total light weight when it comes to booze, so, I figured we go out somewhere, I’d bring some vodka or something and let him get trashed. Then, when he’s feeling good, we can get down to the fun stuff.” He said with a grin.

 

Kevin smacked himself on the forehead and sighed. “That’s a good idea! Why didn’t I think of that!?” He said, before pausing. “You know if Broflovski finds out about any of this he’ll fucking kill you, right? I still don’t get what him and Marsh got going on. It has to be more than just being friends.”

 

Clyde just laughed. “Do you honestly think I’m afraid of Kyle? Fuck off with that shit! Besides, he isn’t going to find out anything.” He said in a confident tone. “Besides, Stan is gonna have fun, and hey, maybe I’ll even date him for a little bit.”

 

“A little bit being two weeks.” Kevin said with a laugh.

 

“Hey! Just because I’m dating Stan doesn’t mean I can’t get with someone else too.” Clyde said with a grin. “You know, I like to get around.” He said, getting a high five from Kevin.

 

“Well, tell me how it goes! I’m really eager to hear how tight he is.” Kevin added.

 

“Bro, I’m gonna film that shit!” Clyde said, slamming his locker shut and putting his gym shirt on.

 

Craig frowned as he watched the two bros finish up their disgusting conversation. It appeared they hadn’t realized he had heard their entire conversation. He always considered himself an asshole, but what Clyde was talking about was beyond being a mere asshole. He groaned as he opened up his gym locker and quickly put on his shirt. He still didn’t exactly know how he felt about Stan, but, he couldn’t let something like that happen to him.

 

Now, how was he going to go about this? If he went and told Stan the brunette probably wouldn’t believe him. That meant he would have to go to Kyle… God, he didn’t want to fucking talk to Kyle. He was such a self righteous tool… But, what else could he do? After hearing what Clyde had planned he couldn’t just let this go.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Kyle was the Student Council President, so, Craig knew he could find him in the library where the meetings were held. From what he had gathered from Clyde his date with Stan was that Saturday, which was tomorrow. He had to get this shit shut down as fast as possible.

 

Nearly running over to the library, ignoring the yelling from the teachers telling him to walk, he quickly approached the library and opened the doors, seeing all the stuck up nerdy kids sitting and listening to Kyle yammer on. God, they were all there, Token, Wendy, and ugh…Heidi Turner… If there was one person who was more pretentious than Kyle, it was Heidi. He rolled his eyes as he saw they were ending the meeting. He was about to run over and try to speak to Kyle but saw him and Heidi were having a conversation.

 

“Kyle, I’m really sick of this…” Heidi said, sighing a little. “I…don’t know what we are…” She said, crossing her arms primly over her sweater vest.

 

“Do we really have to talk about this now?” Kyle asked, grabbing his backpack.

 

“Yes! We do need to talk about it now!” Heidi snapped, before going over to him. “I just…we’ve been dating for a month now and you still haven’t told anyone… You haven’t told Stan.” She said, giving him a look.

 

“It’s complicated…especially with Stan.” Kyle admitted, running fingers through his short curly locks.

 

“Why? Why is it so complicated with him? I can’t help but feel like you and him are more than friends Kyle, and, I don’t know how I feel about that.” She said, grabbing her books and hugging them to her chest.

 

“Heidi, how many times can I tell you that Stan and I are just friends…that’s it.” The redhead said. “We have never been anything more than friends. I know what everyone things and what everyone says, but, it’s all just bullshit speculation.” He said. “I mean, I know you don’t even like Stan…” He said, before he was quickly cut off.

 

“I never said I didn’t like him Kyle; don’t put words in my mouth.” Heidi snapped. “I simply said I think Stan isn’t the best influence for you. Everyone has heard about what he is doing around school.” She said. “I mean the whole slutty cheerleader thing…”

 

“Hey, Stan isn’t a slut, and he isn’t a bad influence.” Kyle said quickly. “Listen Heidi, I’ll tell Stan we are together, but, I’m not about to stop being friends with him. As long as we have that understanding we can move forward with this.”

 

Heidi didn’t exactly look happy, but, she just nodded her head. “Fine… But, that doesn’t mean I have to approve of this friendship, and, if I have a feeling something more is going on than just you two being friends, I’m going to say something.” She promised. Ever since she got out of a very abusive relationship with Eric Cartman, she had been angry and paranoid, always expecting someone to screw her over.

 

“Nothing is going on, now, I gotta run and give these papers to Mister Mackey so, I’ll meet you when I’m done? Okay?” Kyle said, leaning in to press a kiss to Heidi’s lips.

 

“Okay, don’t take too long.” She said with a small smile, making her way towards the library exit.

 

Craig quickly made sure to hide himself so Heidi wouldn’t see, but, he did just find out something very interesting. So, Heidi and Kyle were dating and Kyle was hiding it from Stan? It was amazing the shit you could find out if you just stood somewhere quiet enough and let them blab on. Once Heidi was gone and Kyle was finishing cleaning up, he decided to approach him.

 

“Broflovski.” He said in his usual stoic nasally tone.

 

Kyle groaned and looked over to Craig. “What do you want Tucker? I’m busy.” He said simply, swinging his backpack onto his back, green eyes narrowing when he looked at Craig.

 

“Yeah, yeah, Mister Perfect has to run off to his next extracurricular activity.” Craig said, rolling his eyes. “But, I actually wanted to talk to you about something.” He said, before looking around a little to make sure no one could overhear them. “It’s…about Stan…” He said, seeing Kyle tense up just at the mention of his Super Best Friend’s name.

 

“Listen Craig; leave Stan the fuck alone, okay? I have to deal with enough of fucking assholes all over him; I don’t need to worry about you too.” Kyle snapped.

 

“No, that’s not what I…do you think I like Stan?” Craig said, before trying to get another word in, but, finding himself silenced.

 

“You are always overly interested, and, that’s all I need to know. So, just stay the fuck away from him, and keep his name out of your mouth.” Kyle said, starting to take his leave. “I don’t want to hear whatever the fuck you have to say Craig, because, all you spout is bullshit.” He added, looking back before making his way out of the library.

 

Craig groaned. “Fuck.” He said to himself. He should have figured this was how this discussion was going to go down. Kyle wouldn’t even take the time to listen to him, he was sure the redhead thought it was beneath him to even speak to someone like Craig.

 

Well, this was just great; now what the fuck was he going to do. He looked out the window of the library to see Stan walking with Clyde, the football player’s arm wrapped around the smaller brunette’s shoulders… He ran fingers through his short black locks and knew the only way to stop this was to follow them on their date.

 

“Just how I wanted to spend the weekend.” He said to himself, grabbing his bag and making his way out of the library. Now he was going to have to find out where and when Clyde was taking Stan out.

 

~*~*~*~

 

“Hey, McCormick!” Craig yelled out, managing to catch up with the stoner.

 

“Hey Craig, how was that weed? Listen, I just got some Xanax if you’re interested, I’ll even give you a good price.” Kenny said with a grin, his blue eyes half-lidded.

 

“Sure, that sounds great, but right now, I need information.” Craig said. “Stan tells you shit, right? I need to know where the fuck Donovan is taking him out tomorrow.” He said, watching as Kenny let a wry grin spread across his lips.

 

“Oh? You want to know where my lovely Stanley is going out for a date? Hmmm, are you perhaps a little jealous?” Kenny said with a smirk.

 

“Jealous? Fuck no! I don’t want to go out with that vapid bimbo!” Craig snapped. “I just need an answer, you got an answer, or not.” He said, before digging some cash out of his pocket. “Here, maybe this will entice you; here is the hundred bucks for that picture.” He said, shoving it in Kenny’s hands.

 

Kenny just laughed. “I almost forgot you wanted that picture. Good thing you gave this to me, I had another buyer who was very interested.” He said, moving to open his binder and pull out a Polaroid picture. He handed it to Craig and smiled. “Enjoy, it certainly has brought me plenty.” He said before pausing. “As for information…Stan told me Clyde was taking him to Stark’s Pond for a picnic or something…around sunset I think.” He said, shrugging a bit. “He seemed excited. Looks like Stan might be off the market soon enough.”

 

“Not if I have anything to do with it.” Craig said, running off before Kenny could even ask anymore follow up questions.

 

 


End file.
